No, those aren’t scenes from an Italian version of Borat, but rather, videos of an actual person that actually exists in actual real life (yes, actually).
That absolute legend, ladies and gentlemen, is Sean Stellato, Giants QB Tommy DeVito’s agent. And you might have seen him if you were somehow watching the Giants-Packers game monday night. The Battle of Jordan and Tommy was a grat game, don’t get me wrong, but, like, who was watching that over Titans-Dolphins?
Well, everyone, I hope, as soon as Sean appeared. He’s awesome, as you’ll soon learn. So awesome, in fact, that this whole newsletter is now a Sean Stellato celebration. While I wait for Zion to destroy the Hornets so I can write about fat-shaming pro athletes (yes, that actually happens), here’s something to tide you over because I haven’t written in a while.
Some cool things Stellato has done -
He has the 2014 Mascot Book of the Year - and yes, he’s a published author. Because why wouldn’t this dude be a published author? He won this with his book No Backing Down, about the 1994 Salem High School football team, who he played for. Bill Belichick describes it as a “shining example of a coach’s impact well beyond the scope of sports,” and I think this is Bill Belicheck’s idea of giving someone a complement.
He has his own book series, Football Magic, about, again, his hometown of Salem This kid moves there and he finds a magic football and has all sorts of adventures, and I just love the this quote from the description online, where it says “[Main character] Buddy doesn't ask for much” and then directly follows that up with “[he wants to] become the starting QB”. It’s only $8 should I get it?
His nickname is the “Italian Stallion”, which is kind of awesome yet definetely overused, plus like, it’s already oned by Danilo Gallinari, AKA the Rooster, AKA the Italian Stallion, and are you really going to be the one to take a nickname away from this guy?
Again, I vote for the Big Apple Bambino.
Also, he’s the greatest Salem High School sports player ever - he led his team to the State Championship game in 1994 and also in 1996 he was the basketball team captain and the team didn’t even loose a game. Then he transferred to Gunnery Prep and he was M.V.P. in football and basketball and was named All-New England in both sports. I mean, geez.
So like its just amazing that now his life is entirely just taking photos like this:
And this:
And this one from the same photoshoot:
This one isn’t scripted but like, THE SUIT:
And obviously, this one, which one of the best suit/fedora combos I’ve seen:
I mean, the dude just bleeds cool. And anyone that has enough confidence to KISS HIS CLIENTS DAD ON THE CHEEK (with gutso, I might add) is freaking awesome.
I was looking at reviews for Football Magic: A Pirate's Tale (because what else would I be doing) and noticed that the bad guy’s name is Mr Drapes? Huh??? And so now I’m wondering if this delightful Italian man secretly hates fancy curtains. I mean, there was an actual review for one of his books that read, quote, “Please, for the love of God, someone take the thesaurus away! Hide it in the basement so he can't find it!” I think the dude’s #1 personality trait is “extra”. And that’s awesome. Find beauty in small things.
-Ian